Goose got your tongue? First person nature writing series.
Got Your Tongue? Is a series of pieces that challenge me to think more than “cute” about a creature, and to research about them instead. Writing in the first person is meant to improve the empathy we feel when reading, so I’ve decided to just act as if I am a goose and hope it resonates with you better that way too. I feel strongly about the damage we are inflicting on our ecosystems and this is my tiny contribution to trying to work out how we can do better.
She’s not very observant this girl. It’s the 6th time in a fortnight she’s broken bread with me, not sure why she’s suddenly felt the need to call over the other one and comment on my nails. Bit rude actually. Made me right self-conscious the way her mouth slackened like that, very gormless and a bit ghoulish like.
I don’t need reminding about that idiot Mike cutting the quick last week. What a mess. Surely, it’s not hard to remember our nails are opaque? You can’t just go hacking at them like a woodpecker at a tree and not expect a bloodbath. Tried to redeem himself by stymieing the flow with witch hazel, it stung, and I got teased something rotten by the rest of the gaggle; two of those blighters should have come to my aid, instead they all honked themselves hoarse at my expense.“Weird”? “Weird” she says? Well, that takes the biscuit! It doesn’t take eagle eyes to see she bites her nails, disgusting habit, yet here she is making a mountain out of a molehill over the positioning of mine. It’s totally natural for heaven’s sake, three connected toes at the front and one completely separate at the back. Don’t they teach you about the palmate at school these days?
This one should meet Mike, they’d be a right pair. Two saps, sapping about together… I wonder if they’d stop coming here? He’d be the bottom of the pecking order mind, this one always wears trousers and I saw her give Mabel a firm push the other day. Couldn’t believe it. She didn’t want to hear a word about Frank’s new diet regimen, carried on giving him extra helpings. I heard her shrill “no!” to Mabel and then she just kept turning her back on her; no flapping or hisses of discontent could dissuade her. It was painful to watch, Mabel was a lame duck against this one.
What she doesn't realise is that mouldy bread can cause Aspergillosis. Last time Frank got that he nearly died. His lungs won't take it a second time. Maybe I should ignore her in protest? But I’ve only just finished grooming her, it seems a waste. See, I’ve been eating directly from her hand, not just grabbing it from her either, I’ve been playing it coy… Tentatively moving in and away and then back again. She gives me more that way and I reclaim a little control too. Everyone wins. It makes little Miss Doolittle happy, it’s just a shame she looks so sanctimonious throughout the whole rigmarole.I mostly ignore it, but she’s ruffled my feathers today. Head held all high and mighty, think she's some living legend just because she bought seeds from the conservatory, only after a stern talking to by the warden mind you, but she's gone and run out of cracked corn before getting to me and I don’t like sunflower seeds!…
Writing ‘Goose Got Your Tongue?’ Made me realise:
1. It's strange how a lot of people, including myself, know more about creatures that are not native to their home countries, because of popularity or media coverage, than creatures they are in close proximity to. I definitely know more about elephants and penguins than geese, despite going and feeding geese in Roath Park all year around.
2. While collective noun for a group of geese is commonly known as a gaggle; there are other terms you can use for a goose gang! when in flight, they are called a skein, a team, or a wedge; when flying close together, they are called a plump. Bizarre!
Other fascinating facts about geese can be found here.
If you want to see a real-life 'Goose Whisperer' in action, in Cardiff no less, head to this guaranteed smile-inducing article and video.
Geese at Roath Park in Cardiff.
